For the past four years, I have been teaching in a large public school district. I got this job right after I graduated from college and got married. I graduated with a dual certification in special education & elementary education. My student teaching was in an approved private school for children with Autism, and I knew I wanted to work with that population when I had my own classroom. So, technically, the position I have been teaching in for 4 years was in my “dream job”.
However, I am 26 years old, and I am completely burnt out.
That is so sad to me.
I could go into every reason WHY I am burnt out, and whine and complain about the public schools’ special education system, but I don’t want to stoop to that level.
I was constantly struggling – I did very well at my job. The kids deserve a teacher who would give 200%. I followed the verse:
“Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men…It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
I have been working 10-12 hours Monday-Friday, taking Saturday as my “weekend”, and then Sundays after church until I went to bed were designated to preparing for a new week. Even when I was home after my 10-12 hour work days, I was consumed with my work. I couldn’t stop checking my work e-mail, I couldn’t stop worrying about my kids, and there was always paperwork to do.
My sweet husband has been extremely patient with me for the past four years. Since I started this job right after we got married, this has defined our entire married life. He knows that every Sunday, I park by the computer and don’t get up until he’s already asleep for the night. He understands that I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about my students. He listens to me cry way more often than I should. He honestly has been the most wonderful and patient husband through my entire career, and I am beyond thankful for him.
This was me during an extended family gathering – separated from everyone, working on IEPs
We want to start thinking about having children. I cannot even imagine doing this job while having my own children. I honestly felt like I had 9 children while I was teaching – I would call them “my kids”, I would talk about them all the time, I love them way too much. They aren’t “my kids”. They have their own moms to come home to after school. These kids will forever hold a piece of my heart, and it truly broke my heart to say “goodbye” to them.
That is why the decision to resign was probably the hardest decision I have ever made. But I know, after months and months of prayers and conversation, that this is absolutely the right decision for me & my little family.
I need to start thinking about my family. It’s hard, because I am not pregnant. We aren’t planning on getting pregnant right away. But I couldn’t commit to another year of teaching, because that would mean that it was another year of putting my job before my family.
I am working on living my life, and making my family my first priority.
I want to spend quality time with my husband. I want to start getting excited about having kids together.
I want to be a friend again – I have been a terrible friend to some amazing people over the past 4 years because I just didn’t have any extra time to give them.
I want my job to be just that – my job.
I don’t want to have a job that becomes my life.
That being said, I have been working a second job that will be a “perfect job” for when my husband and I start a family. I can make my own schedule, choose to accept/deny clients, and not have paperwork after hours. I will be providing cognitive therapy to children from birth-3 years old in their homes through a private therapy group. I’m working on building up my clientele, and enjoying some extra time to breathe.
I should also have some more time to blog! I’m excited to build more relationships with my blogging community as well!
If you made it to the end of this very wordy post – I feel like I should give you a prize Thank you for “listening” to me and letting me share my heart. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments – or e-mail me!